The Catacombs of Despair
by PokedBlah
Summary: A story I made while half-asleep. It's about Iru, from Dragon Quest Monsters 2, in a quest full of random events!


PokedBlah: Welcome to PokedBleh's random Mondays! Today's story will be about Iru's first great adventure!  
  
the cat: yeah, and he doesn't even own any Dragon Warrior/Quest and/or Monsters game, or character.  
  
PokedBleh: will you please shut up, you CAT OF DOOM  
  
the cat: hey, Im just doing my job. they hired me to say all those silly things at the beginning of your stupid fanfics.  
  
PokedBlah: ..crap.  
  
The Catacombs of Despair  
  
It's a sunny summer day in Great Log, and the young Iru was just waken up by his mother, yelling from downstairs.  
  
Iru's mother (who's name is Greta, by the way): Will you just die?!??? its 1pm and you're still not awake!!  
  
Iru: Hey, its impolite to wish other people's death, especially your own son.  
  
Greta: Then just come downstairs, if you're so intelligent! *burp*  
  
Iru goes down the stairs. His sister Ruka was already sitting at the table, eating a delicious mashed Dracky sandwich. His mother was swearing at her bowl of spaghetti.  
  
Iru: Mom, you know your spaghetti won't taste better even if you insult it.  
  
Greta: Aw, just leave me alone.  
  
At this very moment Slash, the family pet Slime runs into the house, screaming like a obsessed yaoi fangirl. And when he reaches the center of the room, he stops screaming and he falls on his face.  
  
Ruka: Oh no! Slash! Are you ok?  
  
Slash: Blaaaaaah..  
  
Greta: Just give him pudding (you stupid damn spaghettis..). Pudding makes Slimes feel better.  
  
Ruka searches in the fridge to find the remains of an old vanilla pudding.  
  
Ruka: Eww.. there's not much..  
  
Ruka feeds the old pudding to Slash, who seems to feel better.  
  
Greta: F*biiiip*k! I think we don't have more than that! Iru, you stupid good for nothing son, here's 10 000 bucks, go buy some at the general store.  
  
Iru: *yawn* Okay.  
  
So Iru walks to the store with his talking Slime. When he finally arrives to the general store, he sees that there's a new salesman behind the counter.  
  
The salesman: Hyarr Matey! what can I dü für yü?  
  
Iru, executing a little welcome dance: Oh my god! the new salesman is a pirate! What a shock!  
  
The salesman was indeed a pirate. The bearded type, with a long red beard, and an eye patch. He looks in shape for his age.  
  
The salesman: Sü, harrrrr, what dü thü want tü buy?  
  
Iru: My pet Slime Slash needs pudding badly! Do you sell some?  
  
The salesman: Hyarrr, we just received a new cargü of vanilla pudding, but its still in the basement! Dü yü want tü gü take a lük?  
  
The old pirate opens a trap door behind the counter, and invites the young boy into it.  
  
The salesman: Come inside! And good luck!  
  
Iru and Slash enter the basement, and the pirate closes silently the trap door, leaving the two adventurers alone in the basement.  
  
They go down the big stairs very quickly, lightened by some torches. They finally arrive in a stone corridor, lightened by microwaves with Christmas lights around them. The walls were decorated by paintings of camels wearing smokings. They walked very quickly, to finally arrive to a door, with a doorbell.   
  
Slash: Iru, please let me ring this bell. I wouldn't forgive myself if something was to happen to you.  
  
He rings the doorbell, and the door opens with a dark sound. Behind the door was a big Goldgolem wearing nylon tights and high-heeled shoes with an outrageous look on his face.  
  
The Goldgolem: What do you want?! I'm making my dinner!  
  
We could in fact see a little oven with fried eggs on a stove behind him.  
  
Iru: We are coming for an errand from Mr. pirate! Do you know where is the pudding?  
  
The Goldgolem: Oh, so it's him that sent you here.. its been years since I heard something about him.. Come, beautiful cuties, enter the living room!   
  
He closes the door, while petting Iru's back. He invites Iru and Slash to sit on the sofa.  
  
The Goldgolem: So, you want to find the pudding. Oh, it's a very noble quest, whatever are your real objectives. Here, take this old statue, it'll help you in your quest!  
  
The Goldgolem kisses Iru on his head, and shows him an hidden path, behind a bookcase.  
  
The Goldgolem: Good luck, and may the Taffy God be with you!  
  
They leave. They enter another big stone corridor.  
  
Slash: Iru.. I'm becomming weak again.. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stand any longer..  
  
Iru: No! hang on, Slash! I know you can!  
  
Iru stops walking, and searches in his bag, and takes out some strange blue herbs.  
  
Iru: Here! these are palindromes herbs! It gives back some energy, but it makes you talk what you said in the opposite order! Eat them!  
  
The Slime starts to eat the mysterious herbs.  
  
Slash: Oh, I feel already better! Thanks, Iru urI, sknaht! retteb ydraerla leef I, oh!  
  
Iru: I wouldn't have said better than this! Let's continue our road!  
  
The road was long and dangerous, with tons of obstacles and traps. They went through a cactus plantation, won a video game contest against authentic cowboys, won a cow throwing contest, and won the first prize in a beaver sculpture competition, to finally arrive at the last door.  
  
Slash, palindromatically: I think it's the last door rood tsal eht sti kniht I!  
  
Iru, sipping the tea cup he won during the beaver sculpture competition: Let's hope for that!  
  
The door is made of marble, and an enormous corn is carved on the door. On the upper side of the door, it's written "balloon", where the "o" has been replaced by a cat's head. At the left side of the door is a blackboard with a chalk.  
  
Iru: What could it mean?..  
  
Slash: Maybe it's an enigma amgine na sti ebyam?  
  
Iru: Let's see.. corn, balloon and cat head.. it's difficult.. we would need more hints..  
  
At the moment Iru said that, a trapdoor opens on the ceiling and a banana skin fall with a horse plushie inside.  
  
Slash: More hints?  
  
Iru: Wow! Slash! the palindrome herb lost its effects!  
  
Slash: Awesome!  
  
Iru: Incredible! Now the answer of this enigma.. mmh, let's see.. balloon, cat head, corn, banana and horse.. It became more difficult..  
  
Slash: Oh! I think I have it! The answer is "Fernand"!  
  
Iru: Fernand?  
  
Slash: Yeah! Fernand Balloon, Fernand Cathead, Fernand Corn, Fernand Banana and Fernand Horse! They are all local known writers!  
  
Iru: Nice job, Slash!  
  
Slash writes Fernand on the blackboard. The door opens.  
  
Iru: Yeah! we succeded!  
  
They enter the room.  
  
They are astonished! Pudding boxes all over the place!  
  
Iru takes care to fill his backpack with pudding, that way they'll never have to come back in this doom dungeon. Farther in the room, there was a door with Exit written in neons.  
  
Iru: Slash! Here's the exit!  
  
Slash: Yay! And I feel younger! Thanks, Iru!  
  
They finally go outside to discover with horror that the island has been attacked by a giant brown dinosaur, with the Goldgolem on his shoulder.  
  
The Goldgolem: Mwahaha! I lied to you! The Taffy God was on the side of evil all this time! Those tests were only there to slow you down before you returned back outside, because I couldn't have freed this God if Slash would have been at his full power at the beginning! And this statue I gave you was cursed, and it kept me from liberating the Taffy God! But now, I can do all I want! Bwahaha!  
  
And so from now they live as slaves for the end of their lives, in a world governed by taffies and golems. 


End file.
